Go Seigen passed away.

And I could not explain how much it is going to affect the go world. He was everything. I would like to say that I replayed hundreds of his games since I started playing go. That's not the case. But I read stories about him, dozens of stories; about who he was, what he had to deal with. I didn't know him. I never will.
But I feel bad.
I feel fucking pretty bad.

I would love to say it is a wake-up call, that it will help me play go again, that it will push me to resume my journey. I won't. I made one too many promises like that in the past, never did I keep a single one of them. I just cannot, because I don't know.

All I see in front of me now is a goban.
And it's empty.
And that is how I feel. Empty. I feel pain in my chest, I feel tears on my cheeks. Because he left the go world in the blink of an eye, and he left us all orphans now. And we have to cope.

I did not know the man. But I know a lot about him.
And I know he was great.

And do I really want to give up on something that he, and so many others, spent a lifetime building?
I just, I don't know. I guess I'm just in a state of shock right now.

I just don't know how to react.

All I know is that the world lost today.
I lost today.
We all lost today.

And I will never, ever forget that.

A ghost in your bed

Do you know what it feels like to be failed?
To be left on the ground, crawling. Do you know what it's like to look at the asphalt and feel like it would be a good place to crash?
Do you know what it's like to be deprived from your feelings, from your life, from your future, without having your say?
Do you know what it's like to wake up in the morning wishing you were dead?
Do you know what it's like to drag your loved ones down?
Do you know what it's like to be stuck in a poisonous mind with nothing but regrets?
Do you know what it's like to realize you've gone too far to come back to who you were?
Do you know what it feels like to become aware that you're far too weak to fight life?
Do you know what it is like to surrender your old self?
Do you know what it is like to bear an injury that won't heal?

Because I know what it feels like starting from scratch,
I know what it's like to change for the better,
I know what it means to become someone else,
I know what it's like to stand up and fight again,
I know what it's like to long for a better future,
I know what it's like to grow up,
I know what it's like to succeed,
I know what it feels like to fulfill my dreams,
I know what trying to be someone means,
I know what it's like to be scarred

We don't know the meaning behind the stars,
We don't know the reason behind our laughs,
We don't know if we can fathom what the big plan is,

But we know we're going together, whatever comes up
We know we can make do with that little thing that will forever keep us going
We know that our tears paved the way for something great to come



Some imbeciles still believe that they can fight their way through life with their guts.

Do you?
Because I do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27d138zhyZQ