Pinkish sky

I have not had a great week.
And it is hard to explain why, it is difficult to pinpoint exactly what went wrong and when. I guess it is my brain's way of telling me I am currently at a crossroads.

I have had night terrors three days in a row.

And last night it was about you.

I was over you, I AM actually; or so I thought. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just turn the page. And why does it feel like status quo deep inside? I have changed, I know that; you are not here anymore and it is totally fine. So why was this dream so vivid?
Why did it feel so real?
Why did it feel so right?
Why did I feel so right?

Why did I want you back? WHY for fucks sake would a part of me still be smitten with the ghost of who you were?
That's necrophilia.

You were beautiful, you were basically everything you used to be. You were there. We were.
We.
And that's not something I thought I would feel again in my life. And I did not, it was just a dream.
Just a fucking dream.

And I failed to end it. As I failed to end it back then when things were going south. And as I failed every step of the way. You are the only thing holding me back, after almost 2 years.

2 years, it's a long time. And yet it still hurts. It doesn't hurt the same.
But it hurts. It does. I can't deny that.
And whatever I do, it will still hurt.

But I knew that, I agreed to those terms and I stick with it, here is not the problem.

I just thought that one day, a girl would show up and would be able to wipe out everything. That she would reset everything, that she would design a new landscape; that she would redefine love. I just thought that as long as I was struggling to keep my head above the water, someone would eventually arrive and rescue me. Call it foolish, call it hopeful; I just thought that one day, another girl would have the power and the strength to light fire inside of me once again, to pick up those pieces and magically build something new with it, with what's left.
I just thought that she would come save me.

But I think I am finally coming to grips with the reality that this girl

She might not exist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwAUca79c4o