Girl-wise.
Come one, life never gives me a lucky break in that area. But well, just because life doesn't give you lemons doesn't mean you can't yearn for lemonade, right?
Come one, life never gives me a lucky break in that area. But well, just because life doesn't give you lemons doesn't mean you can't yearn for lemonade, right?
Sarah.
Her name is Sarah.
And she has everything I could ever have dreamed of.
And she has a boyfriend.
Her name is Sarah.
And she has everything I could ever have dreamed of.
And she has a boyfriend.
And I will never see her again.
That's basically it, in a nutshell.
Don't be mistaken, I know how to deal with shit. I've jumped though hoops one too many times, and I learned to have a short-term memory when it comes to my iffy shenanigans. I cope well, I cope fast and I forget without any trouble. Sometimes I think about it for quite some time, but it doesn't hurt; and I turn a blind eye on it because well
That's basically it, in a nutshell.
Don't be mistaken, I know how to deal with shit. I've jumped though hoops one too many times, and I learned to have a short-term memory when it comes to my iffy shenanigans. I cope well, I cope fast and I forget without any trouble. Sometimes I think about it for quite some time, but it doesn't hurt; and I turn a blind eye on it because well
I don't really catch feelings anymore.
But I am facing a wall here.
Can anyone here explain to me why that girl, whom I know almost nothing about, is haunting my thoughts? Or more like, I just feel like shit?
There is one way to look at it. It was the last straw. Or the last nail. Or both. And yeah, I AM fed up. Because I DO try, but life does not seem to be willing to cooperate. I brought the glasses, the rum, the sugar, the mint, the lemonade; I can even make the mojitos myself. But please, when are you gonna give me the fucking lemons?
Yeah, I feel like the universe is against me on that one, and I feel like giving up. I think I just did, actually.
That is one way to look at it.
But I am facing a wall here.
Can anyone here explain to me why that girl, whom I know almost nothing about, is haunting my thoughts? Or more like, I just feel like shit?
There is one way to look at it. It was the last straw. Or the last nail. Or both. And yeah, I AM fed up. Because I DO try, but life does not seem to be willing to cooperate. I brought the glasses, the rum, the sugar, the mint, the lemonade; I can even make the mojitos myself. But please, when are you gonna give me the fucking lemons?
Yeah, I feel like the universe is against me on that one, and I feel like giving up. I think I just did, actually.
That is one way to look at it.
And there is mine.
That was the very first time that I didn't have to make a push for my feelings in 2 years. I did not have to brainwash myself in order to manufacture feelings that resemble what the heart could formerly produce. These substances that give a meaning to things that don't have any. I did not have to force.
I did not.
I was under her spell.
For no fucking reason whatsoever.
And I cannot wrap my head around the fact that it just happened out of nowhere.
Some will say it is actually a good thing. That "love at first sight" type of thing, it had not happened to me since Marion. I was 16.
16.
And having feelings, or at least something similar to that, created naturally without my even thinking about it
It's pretty damn rad.
And I cannot wrap my head around the fact that it just happened out of nowhere.
Some will say it is actually a good thing. That "love at first sight" type of thing, it had not happened to me since Marion. I was 16.
16.
And having feelings, or at least something similar to that, created naturally without my even thinking about it
It's pretty damn rad.
And I guess it's true.
Just as much as the explanation that my disappointment emanates from an accumulation of failures and bad timing.
Combined, it offers a pretty damn good reason for me to feel a bit edgy.
Makes sense.
And you know what?
Just as much as the explanation that my disappointment emanates from an accumulation of failures and bad timing.
Combined, it offers a pretty damn good reason for me to feel a bit edgy.
Makes sense.
And you know what?
Fuck you.
I don't like that. The old me? Maybe. I am not him anymore.
I don't play to lose. I don't even play to find out in the end.
I play to win.
And I was not even given a single chance.
And god knows she was more that worth it.
And something was reborn, for an instant. The last piece of that new puzzle, the missing component. It was here, just in front of my eyes. But it was not mine. And I saw it get away.
No, I saw it stay away.
And something was reborn, for an instant. The last piece of that new puzzle, the missing component. It was here, just in front of my eyes. But it was not mine. And I saw it get away.
No, I saw it stay away.
Because you can be goddamn sure that if I had been given a shot, I'd have taken it
And I'd have made the most out of that.
But now we'll never find out, eh
So I am here with my cup of Jack on a school night, not giving the single fuck I usually give; without a solution. Time is going to take its due once again I guess. But this time I don't want it to.
I have changed.
I don't want time to take that away from me.
But now we'll never find out, eh
So I am here with my cup of Jack on a school night, not giving the single fuck I usually give; without a solution. Time is going to take its due once again I guess. But this time I don't want it to.
I have changed.
I don't want time to take that away from me.
I don't want to forget that moment.
I don't want life to remind me that I am making a gigantic deal out of nothing.
I don't want life to remind me that I am making a gigantic deal out of nothing.
She epitomized hope. She is the first girl whose existence was, if only for a moment, an evidence in my eyes.
Something was revived, and it was burning again, more than it used to. So much more. And nothing could ever extinguish that one. But time is just going to take it away slowly. Once my sworn enemy, it saved my life
To eventually turn against me again.
Maybe it is for my own good. And maybe it is a miracle that proved me that, yeah, I can have genuine feelings again.
Maybe it dispelled my delusion that I had to wait for 2 years and 7 months before possibly retrieving the missing part - or replacing it.
Maybe bullshit
I live in the moment, and in 6 months I might read that and say I was stupid, but you know what future me,
Something was revived, and it was burning again, more than it used to. So much more. And nothing could ever extinguish that one. But time is just going to take it away slowly. Once my sworn enemy, it saved my life
To eventually turn against me again.
Maybe it is for my own good. And maybe it is a miracle that proved me that, yeah, I can have genuine feelings again.
Maybe it dispelled my delusion that I had to wait for 2 years and 7 months before possibly retrieving the missing part - or replacing it.
Maybe bullshit
I live in the moment, and in 6 months I might read that and say I was stupid, but you know what future me,
Fuck you
She is something right now, and I cannot afford to lose that. For my own sake.
Because she proved that I was not a fraud, not just a facade hiding the real me, broken, deep inside, and just waiting to heal. She proved that I have become real. That I am who I am right now, not who I used to be.
It beats again for fuck's sake.
It frickin beats again.
And I do feel alive. I very much do. I am done with you Emma.
I have not reached the 6th degree of separation. I would not take you back without hesitation. I would not take you back period.
But I don't need the 6th degree.
I don't need it anymore.
I am done with you and you excruciating legacy.
She is something right now, and I cannot afford to lose that. For my own sake.
Because she proved that I was not a fraud, not just a facade hiding the real me, broken, deep inside, and just waiting to heal. She proved that I have become real. That I am who I am right now, not who I used to be.
It beats again for fuck's sake.
It frickin beats again.
And I do feel alive. I very much do. I am done with you Emma.
I have not reached the 6th degree of separation. I would not take you back without hesitation. I would not take you back period.
But I don't need the 6th degree.
I don't need it anymore.
I am done with you and you excruciating legacy.
I am here, on the 16th story, with the city lights and the CN tower illuminating my world.
I built this world with my people and my own hands, I built who I am from scratch; and at last, I can feel again.
And if getting tipsy on a school night is the price I impose myself to pay, if I am deprived from clear thoughts for a couple of days, if I have to cope with life never giving me a shot again after Emma; all of that in order to break out of that golden cell and cut ties with my previous self to feel alive, if only for a few more hours
If I have to hurt again to feel sorta in love again...
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"I don't understand that. You have Marshawn Lynch, the best runner in the game, a tackle-breaking machine at 3rd down and one at the one yard line with under 30 seconds to go in the Superbowl, you have to give him a shot. And you know what? If it fails and I lose the Superbowl because of that, then..."
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So be it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NNinOL6Mnk
