Boy seeking Girl

I am sitting here on my bed as the clock runs wild, devouring some precious and essential time I'm numbly watching vanish before my eyes. I have a serious hangover.
I am puzzled.
I mean it, I am puzzled. The picture is complete, the billion piece puzzle has been completed, and yet something seems off.
Life has been going against its usual current, and I'm bewildered to see it self-destruct. It is making a meal out of itself and the more it feeds the hungrier it grows - or shrinks.

I don't get it. I don't know how to deal with that kind of things anymore. I'm a mess, I've lost all control. Mutiny. I've lost my grip willingly, true, but I don't know how to reestablish myself as the ruler here, how to restore the order.
I had forgotten how messy it was out there in the wilderness. Was I really able to navigate this life before? How the hell could I pull it off all these years? How do I not make the same mistakes over and over again when I feel exactly the same way.
It's a cold stew of my biggest failures all aggregated together into one big bowl of mayhem. I don't recall winning any of these battles. How am I to win against a Megazord of them?
It makes no sense whatsoever. I'm trying to figure out a way, I'm attempting to find the weak spot.
Life is folding and I'm left alone to try and fix it.
It was so much easier when it was playing against me. At least I did not have to take care of that shit, to keep it in check.
It was its job.
Time does not fly by me anymore. It thunders by. I am no Superman, I could not possibly halt its course. I need time to think, time that is thunderstorming away from me.
At least I won't be struck by lightning.
At least I was not subject to the coup de foudre.

I'm not like Josh, I'm not getting better at this.
But I'll try, I'll put in the hours, I'll figure out a way.
After all, she might be worth it, for she took my hand like in my wildest dreams
And has yet to let got of it.

If I throw caution to the wind, is it gonna get smashed to pieces by the storm?
Because I'd like to make sure I'm not fighting for nothing
Make sure I'm not squandering my time to no avail
Make sure I have a shot at this thing

So that I can try to catch up with happiness.

_____________________________________________________

I was way drunker than I wish I had been when first saying I love you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNO-_xIX1AU