Strike 2

That's insane. It is totally insane.
It's like I had forgotten about the exhausting, excruciating waiting. Minutes feel like hours. Seconds feel like days. I'm powerless, I'm unable to do anything productive. I'm unable to eat.
I'm just waiting here for my name to be called and the death sentence to be dropped upon me.
I'm about to get dumped, right?
It's too bad, I really caught feelings this time. I know man, I know you warned me, but I could not help it. It seemed so great, it felt so natural, it was so amazing. But I had it coming, and as I cleverly pointed out a few weeks ago myself
The higher you reach, the faster and more painful the fall. And boy, is it fast.
And fucking painful.
In a matter of 48 hours, everything went from blissful to completely wrong. I'm disappointing.

I was mistaken. It's not going to hurt less because it was just a stint. It certainly won't hurt as long, but it's not any easier. I thought that I would have learned by now, that the strength to stand strong would be carved in my being. What a fool I've been. It is destroying me, it is ripping my insides apart.
And it's too little too late now.

I am here waiting, a couple more hours, until the giant boulder comes crushing down on me. But my hands and feet are tied, so all I can do is either close my eyes and fancy everything is going to be okay, or look up and anticipate my demise. Neither is appealing. Neither works.

I don't wanna lose her.
At first I thought I did not want to lose it. But I don't want to lose her. I really don't want to.
Damn,

Damn.

I'm clueless. There's supposed to be a way. I can't find it. I am waiting for a miracle when I know they don't exist. I am hoping for a sudden change of heart when you've made up your mind.

I am sad and disgusted in myself. My brain, heart and guts all want to throw up at once, like a dirty symphony of doom.

Shit, I really am in love.
And I really fucked it up.




There won't be a strike three.
I am all but done now.
I am done.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eMrTIW2LQk