As I've been making my mind for the past few months, as I've been redefining all but a few anchors, it seems I have clearly overseen something. Because I've taught myself a way of thinking that may be flawed at its core. I mean, things were seemingly alright, and surprisingly so. But still I had this feeling that a part was missing, that something out there was not right.
I'm not talking about you.
It was simple enough to highlight every bit of growing misconception in order to have it destroyed right away. I got used to believing that this simple system would fit, and would do, as far as my current state would be involved. I still don't think of myself as an iteration of who I used to be. Not yet. It's still in the process, and should be for quite some time.
I had made up my mind. I would follow this path I would create by myself, and walk it without ever stopping or taking a step back. Well, it's not changed. But I had forgotten an essential point.
And right there, there's a crossroads.
It was not planned. I mean, there had to be some direction changes along the path, but it was supposed to be designed entirely,not to disturb the whole thing. There was supposed to be one clear path created by my own self; a one-way street on which I would never have been allowed to look back.
Well, I messed up.
I had forgotten the choice parameter.
That's right, I never, ever, thought I would have to encounter it in my life. Stupid of me. And now, I have one to make. This one road breaking into two, leading to different places even if not necessarily far from each other.
I'm a bit lost.
Where do I want to go? Which one do I want to go through?
I have no fuc*ing idea.
There is much at stake, on every level, and who could help me on this one?
And once more, time's playing against me.
As a matter of fact, it's not much of a difficult choice to make compared to what it would eventually bring. I'm just showed my entire construction will have to undergo something I thought would never happen again.
Everything's gonna be ok. I hadn't expected it? Fine. But I did know unexpected things would come this way, and I don't remember to ever have been afraid of adressing them. It'll take what it takes, in the end, I'm gonna choose what I want to become part of what I'm made of.
Choices aren't really easy to deal with, but at some point, we all have to tackle them. Does that mean we need to be scared? Yes that's creepy, especially because we don't want to fail.
But I won't allow any such thing as a failure this time.
Anyway, last time, was the choice even one to begin with?
Could I really not have told you to leave?
Fuck ,no.
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